Define the Meaning of Love
by Bella-you-are-utterly-absurd
Summary: When Bella falls ill with a deadly flu that no one can cure,Edward's world comes crashing down and he will do anything to cure her.A forbidden love thrown further into turmoil as Bella's heart is strectched to the limit.
1. Prologue

**This story is set before Edward has left and before anyone knows about the werewolves. It's my first go at writing a fan fic so I hope you enjoy reading it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I'm just borrowing them.**

_Bella POV_

I lie still, as still as possible, then inhale a long deep breath. I can taste salt on my tongue, the warm sea air washing soothingly over me. I dig my nails into the hot, silky sand I am laying on, feeling the tingling sensation of the sand trickling through my fingers.

I can hear the waves crashing on the shore, washing over the rocks and shells, a low relaxing rhythm. I strain my ears and I can hear _him_. I listen to him breathing. Rough calming breaths.

I roll on my side, slowly opening my eyes. At first the bright light from the sun blinds me, but quickly they adjust and he is there beside me. I smile lazily in delight. He is mine and I am his.

A million invisible lines seem to waver in the air, a hallucination caused by the heat, but in a way it seems to represent the many ropes and ties that pull us together connecting in a complicated pattern but simply making us whole.

I sigh softly and blink making the image scurry away. I pause then sigh again nudging closer to him pressing my hand against his muscular arm, studying the drastic contrast in skin tones, my ivory skin harshly standing out against his warm tanned figure.

His eyes half closed against the glare of the sun, flicker suddenly as if he is dozing, perhaps sleeping deeply. His nose casts an odd shadow over his rough unshaved jawline. His messy jet black hair is sprinkled with sand resting on his rolled up t-shirt.

His chest is bare and smooth; I run my fingers delicately over his stomach then let my hand slide off on to the sun soaked sand.

I rest my chin against his shoulder which has grown even warmer from the heat of the mid-day sun and I relax peacefully.

Suddenly he grunts, and turns away from me. I hesitate, then shuffle forward pressing my body against his, hugging his sunburnt back. My long brown hair sweeps over my shoulder, tickling his arm. I smile with happiness. Nothing could be more perfect, nothing in the world. I was sure, so very sure that I would never come across a moment better than this.

I rolled back away from him onto the sand sighing and closing my eyes trying to imagine what my life would be like without him, I shuddered uncertainly at the thought.

I curse under my breath, but then of course it is inevitable, the memories come crashing back. An unstoppable force hitting my mind, swirling tauntingly round and round.

I screw my eyes closed desperately trying to stop the oncoming barrage, the sun's piercing light burning through my lids.

I whimper uncertainly. I was trying to forget, trying so hard but it was impossible. The memories that haunted me now were never going to leave. They battered and distracted me constantly wreaking havoc in my dreams. I didn't sleep unless he was there beside me for fear that time would slowly unravel itself forcing me to live through it all again.

Still I knew. I knew I would do nothing and so in the short assessment I relaxed cautiously. I paused and instead of fighting, I simply remembered.

**So what do you think?**

**I will update as regulary as possible, maybe every other day if I can manage? **

**So yeah tell me if you like it or not, whether it needs improving etc please :) x**


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I'm just borrowing them.**

_Bella-POV_

I woke up uncertainly, my eyes fluttering open painfully. I was immediately aware of how warm I was. I could feel the perspiration gathering on my sticky forehead.

I squirmed uncomfortably under the mass of blankets. I sucked in a quick breath slightly panicky. I knocked my legs out hoping to throw the unwanted layers off of my already sweltering form. As always luck shied away from my very presence meaning the action only succeeded in tangling and twisting myself further.

I groaned in frustration, the heat was too much.

"Bella?" my bloodshot eyes flew upwards greeting the anxious golden spheres that hovered ever protectively over me. "What's wrong?" he asked his eyebrows creasing together.

"I'm too hot," I huffed kicking my legs out once more in a desperate struggle "and I am a bit stuck." I gestured vaguely towards the pile of blankets winding around me.

He chuckled weakly then aptly unravelled me from my puzzle in a single tug. The action was lightning fast and the covers deftly flew out from under me causing me to spin quickly onto my side.

I squeezed my eyes tight shut as the nausea overcame me. I shuddered as a blast of cold air hit me as all the heat inside me seemed to burst into the surrounding air, rapidly leaving my body. I lay still for a moment trying to steady myself then slowly tried to roll onto my back, but I was disorientated and suddenly I realised I was rolling in the wrong direction.

"Bella!" A melodic voice shouted suddenly. The sound echoed in my ears, ringing loudly.

I felt myself slip off the side of the bed, a slow painful motion. I braced myself for the impact of the hard wooden floor.

I heard the air whistle quickly past my ears and I seemed to fly for a moment, and my brain somehow managed to recognise that firstly this wasn't possible but secondly and more importantly I was moving at way to fast a speed for my stomach to handle.

I opened my eyes slowly and became thoroughly confused when I found myself in Edward's arms on the other side of the room. I groaned again when the room around me began to spin involuntarily, Edward's faces swimming together his anxious words vibrating and bouncing off the walls of my head, not fully registering. No ounce of meaning or understanding made.

I closed my eyes tight shut trying to calm down, breathing in deeply through my nose, scrabbling to anchor myself in his stony arms.

This wasn't the best of ideas. His usually luscious scent was sickly sweet filling my nose and clouding my already tender mind, this combined with the sudden movement of my scrambling sent my body into a rapid decline. I felt the contents of my stomach roll around tauntingly and I groaned in despair as I proceeded to hurl over myself, splashing dangerously large amounts onto his pristine white shirt.

I shuddered in embarrassment and pain. Edward stayed frozen his eyes filled with fear as his thick heavy words drilled into my skull. I frowned trying to concentrate worried that he might be angry with me but I could feel myself slipping back into the nothingness, the never ending dark. My eyes rolled back and I fell swiftly into un-consciousness.

* * *

><p><em>I dreamt of nothing. It was just black; I was floating though the never ending dark. It scared me. Not knowing what was out there, not knowing if there <em>was_ anything out there. My heart raced as I searched manically through the darkness for something. Too scared to imagine a world constructed of nothing._

_Then I realised that there was _something_ because somehow even within the nothingness, I was still too hot. _

_I was melting burning in the non-existent chamber of my mind. It was my fever, the fever that had haunted me for 3 weeks now. It made me want to scream in frustration because it burned so much. _

_It scared me the most out of all my symptoms because I knew that when…if I was ever changed then the burning would be worse oh so much worse than what I was suffering from now and even when that was gone it would travel to my throat and I would burn just so I could live for ever. _

_I sighed into the black world as I told myself what I already knew. _

_He is the one and only reason that I would do this and I could not ever possibly live in any other way without him. _

_But yet I yearned for the fever to end. I wanted to be cool. I wanted to freeze for god damn sakes. I was tired and frustrated with this tormenting burning heat that never ceased, that never ended._

_I felt tears brewing in my eyes as I continued to search into the black, dark expanse around me. I choked as I tried to cry but I couldn't for the only thing that existed in my mind, in this nothingness was the heat. It burned the tears before they could be created._

_I stared into the dark and let it swallow me._

* * *

><p>"Carlisle it's been 3 hours." An angel's voice murmured only just reaching my mind in this docile state. "Are you sure she's okay?" he whispered the pain immanent in his voice.<p>

It was Edward. I relaxed slightly; I knew I was safe with Edward. I strained my ears; I could hear him pacing restlessly. I struggled against the heavy anchor of sleep that clouded my head.

"Edward, please." Another voice begged. I presumed this must be Carlisle. He sighed in the background. "Calm down son, there is nothing we can do but wait. She will come round in her own time." I heard Edward mutter something unintelligible.

Then I felt an ice cold hand grasp mine, rubbing it soothingly. The cold was good. I was so hot all the time. We had tried everything from ice baths to simply lying with one of them but nothing brought my temperature down. I whimpered nervously.

He stiffened beside me for a second, perhaps in reaction to me or another thought in the room, and then stroked my forehead. The cool hand against my sticky forehead was refreshing but still not enough and was it my imagination or was his hand shaking slightly?

"Alice!" he snapped restlessly. "Can you see anything yet? When is she going to wake up?" I struggled against the chains of slumber in defiance; I hated it when he talked to Alice like that. I tried to speak, an attempt to reprimand him but all that came out was a slurred murmur. I groaned in frustration disappointed at my lack of communication in this state.

Edward winced beside me his hands once more fluttering to my forehead desperately trying to cool me. He had taken my attempts at scolding him as a sign of pain.

"This is my fault. It is always my fault that she gets hurt." He whispered softly to himself miserably. "How could I have been so careless? She's so breakable, so weak." His voice broke in pain on the last word. I felt the covers pull taught beneath me. I would imagine his perfectly sculpted fist enclosing the pathetic white sheet in desperation.

"She will be fine Edward. All she needs is to fight off this fever." Carlisle soothed shuffling through some papers on my other side now.

Edward growled something under his breath too low for me to hear.

Carlisle paused. "She can do it." He sighed in expiration. "Edward, Bella _will_ make it through this she is stronger than you think." Edward seemed calmed by this reassurance, stroking my forehead as lightly as he could manage furtively trying not to harm me.

Then his body straightened out as if he had been shocked with some form of electric current. An ear splitting howl encased with agony erupted beside me. I felt him shift his body protectively over me.

"What do you mean" he spat out. "What do you mean what if she doesn't…wake up?" he hissed the words.

"No, she has to wake up. She will wake up. It was my fault, I wasn't careful enough. She will wake up. She _will_ wake up." He seemed to be more intent on convincing himself then stating facts. His voice gaining volume with each word

Carlisle continued to look though his papers as if tired by the on-going slaughter of Edward vs. Edward an ever constant battle, which I had reasonably concluded would never be won, at least not while I was still human.

I backtracked suddenly, had he said that this was _his_ fault? What on earth had he done? Unless he had purposely contaminated me with this illness then I fail to see how he could pinpoint me being sick to his wrong doing.

The world around me was getting clearer. Pricks of light were piercing through the black.

"Alice!" Edward barked again, shocking my slow recovery into first gear. The light was blinding now for holes appearing in my dark mind. I tried to clear my throat, to tell them I was waking up. Instead it came out as an odd mewling sound. Edward's shaking hand gently squeezed mine. "For God's sake why can't you see anything?" he was shouting now "What's wrong with her?"

"Edward I don't know! Just shut up and sit down!" Alice cried out in indignation. Edward ignored her too. His mind was in full spin nothing would distract him now.

"Do you think it was me?" His voice dropped to a whisper so quickly I wondered if I had simply imagined his tortured shouts. "Oh Bella" he sighed softly. "My darling Bella, what's a matter with you?"

And with that last agonised sentence I was brought back from the dark. I felt the drowsiness seep away, but knowing too well that it would return soon enough. The fever of coarse still raged ever constant but I was faintly immune to it now. If I didn't concentrate on it for long enough then my mind would occasionally forget about my outrageous scorching temperature.

I opened my eyes slowly and whimpered "I don't know."

**Please review and tell me what you think about how this is going so far x**


	3. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I'm just borrowing them**_

_Bella POV_

I glared in defiance into Edward's golden hovering stare. Joy danced spontaneously across his pained face.

"Bella, you're awake!" He shouted ecstatic. His blinding smile stunned me for a moment, causing me too forget the reason I had been so furious at him not 2 seconds before. He enveloped me in a gentle hug.

I smiled in content despite myself. The dark had scared me so much, I was glad it had not lasted too long.

My hands fluttered around him, and then I froze shocked. Edward was oblivious to my reaction furtively murmuring "I'm sorry, so sorry Bella" repeatedly.

"My arms…" I croaked out nervously. Edward pulled back puzzlement fleeting across his angelic face. Hurriedly I threw back the covers and scrambled off the bed. Not the best decision. The room tilted precariously as did my slender frame. Edward jumped up to my side and I leaned against him to support myself.

"Um…Bella sweetheart?" Edward spoke, worry thick in his voice. I looked up searching for his perfect figure. Bewildered I found myself looking at the ceiling. Edward cleared his throat and I looked down…

I gasped in shock. I must have had an extreme growth spurt during my sleep. I was now the same height as Edward if not taller. I spun away from him doubling over. I squeezed my eyes shut wishing desperately that this was all just a dream and any second now I would wake up with Edward in our meadow and he would laugh as I told all about this silly escapade.

I opened my eyes slowly carefully and moaned softly as I was greeted with the site of my feet. Now a lot further away then I was used to.

"CARLISLE!" I heard Edward scream out in fear. I expected him to suddenly appear, to comfort me in my painful confusion. But he didn't. My heart stuttered in its accelerating beat.

I straightened out slowly checking the room carefully. It seemed to be staying in its rightful position, so I turned towards Edward.

He was stood on the other side of the room, as far away from me as possible, his back to me. I heard him taking deep ragged breaths, his body shaking slightly.

"Edward? Are you okay?" I called out cautiously. He didn't reply, just stood staring, shaking in front of the blank wall. I stumbled towards him.

"Don't" he barked out through his teeth. I stopped shocked by his reaction. What was wrong? Despair began to fill my head as well as the fogginess caused by my burning fever.

"Edward, what's wrong now?" a voice sighed in the doorway. I spun towards the new voice as it gasped in surprise. Carlisle struggled to compose his face. I wobbled distraught. What was going on?

Suddenly I felt a revolting anger swelling in my chest. I couldn't help what was happening to me. How dare they have the nerve to make me feel even worse about myself then I already did. I felt disgusted at Edward who now refused to show any support to me and Carlisle still struggling to control his expression to keep me from the pain well guess what sucker I am in pain every second and for some retarded fucking reason there is nothing you can do to help me. What kind of super mega awesome doctor are you if you can't even cure me!

I felt my body shaking in fury my face pulled back into a snarl. Carlisle had given up hope and was staring at me bewildered by my reaction.

I took an angry stomp forward pulling myself to my full height. He was nothing if he could not save me. He was useless. He and Edward and their entire family were nothing but a useless lot of shitty _**bloodsuckers. **_A brutal snarl escaped my grimacing lips.

I yelped in shock at the loudness of the noise and how it echoed through the walls of the Cullen's house. My hand slapped itself quickly across my mouth, my eyes wide with fright.

How could I have called them that? Not for the first time in my life I was joyously glad Edward could not read my thoughts. I shivered frightened by my own thoughts.

I slowly sank onto the bed. My eyes glanced towards Edward. He was now facing me his eyes also wide with fear, surprise and more pain. Carlisle seemed to mirror the look that was plainly displayed across his beautiful features.

I threw myself under the covers of the bed, burying my head underneath the brilliantly white pillow damp with sweat. I shivered once more and hot angry tears spilling over. They slid gracelessly down my cheeks leaving cool tracks across my scorching face.

"Bella?" I heard Carlisle clear his throat. "I'm sorry I upset you sweetheart." He sounded generally upset but at that moment I couldn't have cared less.

"Leave me alone!" I shouted out rudely from under my thin sheet of protection.

"Bella, I need to take your temperature and maybe you might want a cold bath?" Carlisle whispered the hurt plainly laid out in his voice. I threw the covers back and found myself staring straight into his worrying eyes. Usually I would have flushed and stuttered out an apology extremely embarrassed by my rude behaviour.

But now it just infuriated me that he was in _my_ space.

"Did you not hear me?" I growled menacingly. I watched as he flinched away from me.

I glanced towards Edward and saw that he had not moved. He remained a statue stuck in a torturous world of his mind. Something small inside me rejoiced silently, now he would know what it was like when the darkness locked me away. When I woke up in the morning terrified and he would chuckle at my foolishness. "How can you be scared of your own mind Bella?" he would smile at me, kissing my head in a patronising way.

This thought infuriated me more, the anger once again building up inside of me.

"Well just in case you didn't hear me I said. Leave. Me.** ALONE**!" I shouted at the both of them.

And just like that, they were gone. It was as if they were never actually there. My mind finally seemed to catch up with my voice and I realised what I had just done. Guilt and fear filled my tear duct.

"oh." I said simply and then I was overcome with everything I had been keeping in these past 3 weeks. I let out a strangled cry of frustration and broke down pathetically into tears.

**Please R&R! xx**


	4. Chapter 3

_**I am going to try to make this chapter long in order to explain everything. I always worry in my writing that I move through the important details to fast. The picture is always clear in my mind but I often worry that it doesn't come across how I would like it too in my stories. So if the story is moving too fast for your likings please tell me, I would rather know then carry on writing it wrong. Thank you and enjoy ;) x**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters, it all belongs to Stephanie Meyer, and I'm just borrowing them.**

_Bella POV_

It was just so confusing.

I knew it was extremely ignorant and rude to have burst out in anger at both Edward and Carlisle especially after all they have done for me, and I knew it was not Carlisle's fault that he could not cure me, because he is the best doctor around and if he couldn't help me then it probably meant it wasn't looking too good.

But every time I started to inch my way out of the makeshift hospital room that the Cullen's had put together for me. My blood once again began to bubble and boil.

Why should I apologise when it was so blatantly their fault, they were the ones that had hurt me first? It was Edward's rejection and Carlisle's oblivious staring that had made me so upset in to start with! They must know that. Neither of them had tried or been bothered enough to hide it from me!

It was only when I had visited the toilet several hours later did I realise what they had been so shocked and surprised at. I thought it was simple because of my bizarre and unaccounted for growth spurt. But no it was worse than that.

When I went to wash my hands I was greeted with an unexpected sight. It took me about 5 minutes to even register exactly what I was seeing.

My eyes were the first thing that shocked me. They weren't the deep chocolate brown they used to be. They were lighter with thin lines of grey circling the iris. Yet they were sharper then I remember more defined and defensive in a way. As I stared aghast at this new accessory I unfortunately realised that it was not the extent of the damage. Tears welled quickly, suddenly and spilled over relentless as I examined myself with stranger's eyes.

My skin was several shades darker. I was no longer in the region of possible albino. I looked, well not quite as dark as Jacob, a couple of shades lighter than that but still a very noticeable change, before I could very nearly pass off as a vampire that is if I didn't blush. Now I looked more like the tanned volleyball player from Phoenix, the one that everyone had expected me to be that first day in Forks.

And of all the things to have been changed, my hair, it had been at least one the most redeeming qualities I actually liked about myself. I growled at my reflection in frustration. It was thinner now and darker, almost black. It shone glossy and smooth in the harsh bathroom light. I tilted my head away from the mirror in fear of my unrecognisable reflection my new hair sweeping softly over my now slightly more muscular arms. The movement caused my eyes to study this change other thus bringing my attention to another extra detail in my brand new image. The top of my right arm was now donned with an intricate tattoo, self-consciously I traced the black swirls and twist that looped round and round but staying within a constant thick lined circle.

I blushed ferociously at my vanity and to my disappointment noticed immediately that it did not spread like wild fire, a bright shining beacon to my embarrassment. It was subtle now, hardly noticeable. I felt a sharp pang, my blush had been a huge part of me, and now that too was taken away from me.

I looked different, extremely different and in a scary way I couldn't even recognise myself. I didn't look like me anymore, I looked bad, dangerous and on edge. Everything I am not, everything I shouldn't _be_.

The world began once more to spin in confusion around me. And suddenly I decided that I'd had enough.

I was sick and tired of all of it. I wanted it to end. I was fed up of being scared of myself, of what was going to happen. I didn't want to be different. I didn't see my 'makeover' as a good thing, it was bad. All my life I have just wanted to fit in, for once in my life to be part of something, to belong.

Edward to me that was my something and now _this_, this was pulling us apart.

The constant need for attention implied by this illness was putting so must strain on him and I could see it in his eyes. The way he looked at me now, it wasn't the same adoring look I received only a few months back. It was harsher less caring. Because now that look was wrought with the pain and tiredness of watching me stumble even further out of sync with everyone else. He didn't want me like this. And maybe…although my angry heart stuttered uncertainly at the thought it was because he just didn't want me at all.

It was terrifying to be so uncertain of everything I once was so certain about and that was what made me so mad. That was what caused my vision to blur with the angry red mist clouding everything I saw. And I was happy; I didn't want to see it anymore.

I was furious at the world around me. How dare this happen and how dare it have the fucking audacity to happen to me. Hadn't the world caused me enough damage? Were the god's above enjoying the comedy of my life as I tripped and stumbled through it every day, with danger always somehow finding its way to me so it could fuck up my life some more? I was shaking now the anger once more gripping me in its talons. I had been happy and content with how everything was, how my life had finally turned out to be, but no, Bella actually being happy, safe and loved for once in her life? What's going on is that even possible? Hmm well sorry that definitely can't be allowed. Whoever has it out to get me wherever the hell you are, guess what you got me! Now just go back to your life and kindly get the _fuck_ out of mine thank you very much!

I looked back at the mirror using the eyes that weren't even mine and saw myself. I saw myself for the shaking unrecognisable wreck that I now was and felt pure hatred infiltrate my thoughts as I stared at this stranger.

A strangled cry escaped my quivering lips and I grabbed the nearest object to me and threw it with as much force as I could gather at the mirror, at the person who was no longer me.

_**BANG!**_

A load crack sounded and echoed off the tiled walls around me. I stood still staring dumbly at the spider web displayed before me. I stared at the centre of the complicated mess and my eyes wandered along the splits and seams of the damage. A thousand eyes glanced nervously back at me as if to say "what now?" my heart raced as I tried to think up of a reasonable excuse to give to Carlisle and Esme as to why I had just ruined their beautiful antique mirror.

I had a strong feeling that saying "I am so sorry Esme but you see I was so internally disgusted with the reflection of myself that I decided to try and destroy the evidence." probably wasn't good enough.

I noticed that it was quiet, almost too quiet as I reached out a tentative hand towards the mirror, hoping desperately that it hadn't really happened, and perhaps my fever filled mind had simply hallucinated the whole incident. I stopped my hand short of the mirror not wanting to disrupt it realising that any further movement of the mirror would cause the whole thing to collapse. I figured I had already done enough damage.

I turned quickly nearly running out of the bathroom in my haste to leave the scene of the crime.

But yet again the god's above sitting in their luscious golden thrones decided that they hadn't quite finished messing with my life just yet and so in my anxious haste to leave I did not look at where I was placing my stumbling feet. I tripped gracelessly on the corner of the bath mat sending myself crashing onto the floor. I felt my leg come into contact with the pristine white unit underneath the unstable mirror. I turned in horror and even with my weak pathetic _human _I swear I could see the vibrations of the impact travel upwards to the precarious danger zone.

Suddenly it exploded.

It seemed like everything was in slow motion as I watched the hazardous sharp shards fly towards me, I stared in awe as the twinkled beautifully as they sped out into the room.

I didn't see the one that hit the light bulb. I didn't think about that. It took only a matter of second before the room was a light from the flying hot sparks. I don't think I screamed I don't really remember. My mind was still clouded slightly with the red mist; I couldn't register what was happening around me correctly.

I do remember being dragged out of the small bathroom as it quickly filled with smoke. I don't think I was hurt a part from a small cut on my knee from when I fell, miraculous I know.

I remember being thrown onto the soft grass outside the house and lots of people shouting trying to put out the fire. Alice I think stayed with me.

She wrapped her cold arms around me and swayed me slowly from side to side. She hadn't seen that this would happen. I felt sorry for her then. She must be scared, like me, not knowing what would happen, being blind in effect.

I remember her asking questions, but I didn't answer. I was patiently waiting to wake up. It would happen any second now. I just had to ride out the dream…nightmare and then I could wake and everything would be fine. She gave up after a while and I was grateful. I couldn't really hear her it was just sort of faint mumbling underneath the shouts and cries of the rest of them.

She stayed and that gave me some comfort as small as it was as I sat and watched the Cullen's house go up in a towering inferno.


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters, it all belongs to Stephanie Meyer, and I'm just borrowing them.**

_Bella POV_

There was nothing left.

…Nothing…

Just an empty black shell, it didn't even look like a house.

I stared mutely at the wreck, as I painfully realised. I had done this. This was me now, a home wrecker, a destroyer. We all stood and stared quietly as if mourning for the 'dead' house for that is what it most certainly was. We watched the wisps of smoke wind their way up into the grey intoxicated air. I searched through the wreckage trying to see if I could recognise anything that might prove my unbelieving eyes that this had once been a house.

I flinched back as the house groaned wobbling precariously in the wind.

I glanced nervously around, at the faces of my…family. They showed no emotions. They were blank and unseeing as if caught up in memories, all of those precious memories, gifts and possessions that now lay in a disintegrated heap. They had lived for a long time and a bit back a gasp as I realised how much they had lost. Esme had lost all of the work and effort she had put into building that house, Carlisle had lost all of his important work documents and the precious inherited cross that had once adorned the wall of his office, over three hundred years old it was one of his few reminders of his human life. Alice had lost her entire collection of her clothes ranging from the ridiculous to the stunningly magnificent. The amount of money that had been lost, I shrank away from the thought startled as my mind struggled to calculate. Jasper had lost his war memorials and his historical books. Emmet and Rose, the fire had cost them the mountains of photo albums they had taken over the years that they had been together. And Edward, my wonderful perfect Edward I had cost him his piano, the piano that he loved possibly more than me.

My mind flickered back to when he had first played in front of me. That magical moment when he told me I had inspired this melody. I remember how I had sat speechlessly next to him listening to the consistent elegant stream of notes, the harmonies that were flowing through me. I had felt small and extremely insignificant next to his ever graceful presence watching transfixed as his hands flew over the keys barely touching, barely pausing. The pure white of the small rectangular shapes creating this melodic, blissful sound seemed to merge into the blur of his practised fingers.

That was the first time I had been in their house. I sat smiling as the memories appeared in my mind softly switching through the many happy scenes and moments that had been created in this place. I was pulled sharply away from my distraction as the weak frame of the house collapsed spectacularly. It caved in painfully, slowly as if it was weighed down by the barrage of all our memories finding their way here all at the same time. Further ash clouds flew from the house as it shuddered and broke down.

I heard the gasps of the Cullen's as they stared at the pile of soot and wood that was their home. A strange dull feeling crept through me as realisations crowded my mind. I heard a low growl, and then suddenly he was there, right in front of me, blocking the view of the house, blocking the view of the damage I had wreaked. I stared unseeingly and sighed plaintively this dream was too long and I winced knowing all too well that even my diseased mind could not have created a dream that far-fetched.

I looked at him. At his angelic face shivering in pure hatred, hate was reflected in his eyes and then I knew, somehow, that this was it. I had tormented him with this fever for the last month, I had been unforgivably rude to his father and to him and to top it all I had just burnt down his home and his many treasured possessions. I knew now that we were beyond broken and that nothing, nothing at all could mend us now.

"You bitch." He spat out at me. I reeled backwards in surprise my mind finally finding its way back to the present.

"Edward." Alice's voice came out as a low hiss, her arms tightening around my skinny frame. I fell back into them as a strong throbbing pain gripped my heart.

He didn't love me.

"Who are you!" He screeched into my face, the fire in his eyes was burning into mine. I stared shocked that he could be so harsh. I struggled trying to find my voice. To tell him this it was me, I was still here; I hadn't changed at all…on the inside.

Emmet appeared by his sides gently pulling him back. "Come on Edward, calm down mate." He said slowly. His eyes flashed to mine, the worry showing in the warm golden spheres.

"NO!" he roared ripping himself from Emmet's grasp. He placed his cold, cold hands on either side of face and searched desperately into my eyes. He didn't seem to find what he was so longing to discover as he threw my head away from him in disgust, the force sent me flying backwards onto the soft grass. Pain wreaked havoc though out me. What had I done?

He hates me. He hates me. He hates me.

"Edward!" a sharp voice reprimanded him, a watched Carlisle stride over to us. "Control yourself you're going to hurt Bella!" to late for that I think. I was shaking, shaking in fear. For the first time I was _afraid_ of Edward.

"Hurting Bella?" he snorted "That's the least of my worries at the moment at the moment." Edward chocked out a cruel laugh.

"What did I do wrong?" I whispered quietly as I scrambled back onto my feet shakily. I wanted to know why he hated me so much now. I wanted to know if the damage was irreversible.

I looked up to meet his furious gaze and the astounded faces of my family. I backtracked realising that they could not hear the slaughtering dialogue of my mind. Edward ran towards me his mouth inches from mine.

"You have just destroyed our home! What the HELL is wrong with you? With all your super cool psyched out anger you thought it might be a nice idea to burn the whole fucking house down?" his face came closer with every word his black eyes seeping with pain.

"Edward stay away from her, leave her alone. She can't help it, she isn't well!" Alice loyally growled back at him slowly standing up and pushing me behind her. "It was an accident and you know it!"

"How can you stand up for her, after everything she has done?" he questioned curiously.

"Because…because I love her! Whereas **you**, you seem to have gotten it into your head that your life is far too _depressing_ and important to be over ruled by some silly old illness!" she yelled into his face. The numbness became slightly more bearable knowing that Alice still loved me but it was still squeezing my frantic heart with fear.

"What?" he whispered stunned for a moment.

"She hasn't even done anything to you Edward, except love you for whom you are!" Alice continued to yell.

"But you can't love her!" he seethed. I lay my head against Alice's cold stone back and squeezed my eyes tight shut wishing this wasn't happening, it couldn't be happening.

"Oh really and why is that hey?" she taunted as she stood on tiptoes to meet his burning gaze.

"**BECAUSE THAT'S NOT BELLA!"** he screeched.

Everyone was still.

"Edw-"Carlisle began, slowly approaching Edward.

"NO!" he fell to his knees and punched the ground furiously. "BELLA WAS MY LIFE!"He screamed to the heavens. "She was everything to me." He began to sob tearless broken hearted sobs. I flinched at the sound.

I crept out from behind Alice cautiously. "And you are everything to me Edward. I'm still here…this is still me." I sobbed to him reaching my hands out to touch him.

He laughed at me, loud and patronisingly. My hands fell slowly to my side and I stood staring numbly.

"You are not Bella" he chuckled, digging and twisting the knife that had found its way to heart even more. "Bella was caring kind considerate, she wouldn't have done this." He waved his hand vaguely towards the black sooty mess left behind flying to confront me again.

"I-I didn-"I stuttered shocked by his outright confessions.

"No, no, no. Shush now" he said menacingly soft and lay a majestically finger upon my lips. "Bella was beautiful, amazing. There was nothing in the world that could compare to her. I waited a century to find her, the love of my life. She smelt so heart meltingly lush and risked my life for her again and again to be with her forever." He sighed unseeingly into the woods behind me and then his attention once more snapped to my tear streamed face. "However you my dear are girl, are nothing. You are nothing compared to Bella. You are ugly, plain and you smell…no, you reek of wet and damp. It's disgusting, a bit like mould" he commented looking me up and down. His face screwed up into a disgusted sneer. "I would never, could never love a girl like _**you**_."

I froze in fear as pain, sharp course pain ran through my body and I could feel my heart slowly rip in two. I tried to speak to tell the Cullen's that I was hurting, hurting beyond belief. The pain seared through me violently and I doubled over my eyes scrunched tight. i heard a low mutter and the sound of Ed- the pain increased as I thought of his name, I sucked in a quick breath, _him_ walking away. I noticed that nobody else had moved, they were all in shock I guess, or perhaps the realisation that all the work and belonging were gone had finally hit home. I moaned softly, weakly wrapping my arms tight around me, as if trying to hold myself together.

My life with Edward seemed to flash before my eyes, memories; so many memories appeared in my mind. I thought of everything I had planned to do with him how that now I would never have him. I didn't want anyone else. Edward had been the only one, he had made me feel wanted, special, in so many ways.

He was gone. Forever.

Something broke inside of me. Numbness spread painfully through my body as I tried to control my thoughts, to try and stop thinking about - him. I think it was because my body wasn't built to deal with so much stress and heart break all at one time, it couldn't cope with the pressure that was squeezing my broken heart. And because it couldn't cope, it did exactly what it was now made, created to do. It got mad.

I didn't even have time to think, the transition was so quick. One minute I was collapsing on floor having a nervous breakdown and the next I was on my two feet growling at all the Cullen's like some sort of mad man. My mouth was practically frothing with anger for everything he had just said. For all the time I wasted with someone so shallow minded. They had given me no sympathy, no hope. It was their fault that I had smashed the stupid mirror, if they had shown just a little bit more consideration to my feelings. I snarled in Alice's face as she tried to calm me down. I shook her off and she stumbled away from me in surprise. Hurt clearly displayed. That just made me even madder. What about all the hurt they had caused me? Every day when I had to look at their beyond beautiful faces staring patronisingly down at me as if saying "You don't belong here, why the hell do you even try fitting in?"

No one could possibly predict what happened next, not in a millions years would it ever have come to me that this was what was happening to me. It seemed like it was the anger that triggered it and so right there outside of the Cullen's remains of a house, looking into the horrified faces of angels…

I phased.

It didn't hurt, it was more of blur and suddenly I was a wolf.

That was kind the moment when everything changed. That was the most pivotal moment that caused my life to take a completely new path, one that I didn't even know was possible. Well I guess I should have guessed it was possible, I mean if vampires exist then why shouldn't werewolves right?

So I stood towering over the Cullen's still growling and snarling at them and their too perfect faces, their too perfect lives. I was angry, furious, adrenalin pumped through my blood as I snapped at Esme. Her perfect face crumpled and she ran for cover behind Carlisle. He put his arm around her protectively watching me with wary eyes. I barked out a harsh laugh as I realised that they were scared of me. The indestructible Cullen's were scared of me. I wondered what I looked like. I stopped laughing abruptly, what if I had to stay this way forever? And ugly terrifying monster that strived on anger. I took a cautious step back away from them.

I stared at the faces of my family, shocked, scared, disgusted and afraid…of me.

So I ran.

I turned around and ran as fast as I possibly could away from them, into the forest. I ran without stumbling or running into things, it came naturally. This was starting to freak me out now, I wasn't surprised that I was now, err well a monster in one aspect. It was like this was who I was supposed to be now, and my whole life I had been this other person, someone that wasn't really, truly me at all. I was snapped out of my contemplations suddenly when I heard Carlisle calling out orders.

"Right Emmet, Jasper, head north and try to intercept…it-her from there. Esme stay with me and we will follow close behind. Rose and Alice you go west and try to force it to loop round."

I heard them dispense and begin the chase. I increased my speed crashing through the undergrowth desperate to escape them. My tail between my legs I ran so I fast I could have sworn I was flying. Trees whipped past my face blurring in my peripheral vision as I ran and ran and ran. I could hear _them_ following but I still fled hoping, praying that I could escape somehow. I wanted to be alone, to be somewhere where my every movement couldn't be heard by those sharp ears, where I could move at my own sluggish pace without having to worry if I was boring them. To belong to a place, to be part of a family where I wasn't the odd one out all the time or maybe somewhere where I was the odd one out but in a good way. I longed to be somewhere where I could truly belong for once, where I could be _myself_, just once in my life. I had spent so long coping alone and taking care of others around me. I wanted someone to look after me.

I could feel them gaining on me, there scent stinging my nose crudely. I shuddered at the thought of giving in and ploughed forward pushing myself to my absolute limit. I didn't even know where I was going just so long as it was away from them would be happy. I turned my head round quickly and got a fleeting glimpse of Carlisle not too far away running so fast he blurred as he darted around the trees and shrubs that I was knocking down in my haste to escape.

"Bella!"

"Bella, come back!"

"Bella, please!"

"Bella, slow down!"

"BELLA!"

I heard them call but I couldn't bring myself to listen anymore. I wanted to be free. My soul longed to get away it pulled towards where it needed to be, and I hadn't a clue where that would be.

I heard a river rushing by not far ahead and I altered my coarse towards it. I sprinted towards it as I heard the pleading shouts of the Cullen's behind me. My feet came into contact with a boulder only meters from the edge, I pushed off it with as much power as I could manage. I flew gracefully over the thundering water and collided with the other side making a giant crater in the bank. I quickly scrambled onto my feet not wanting to lose the precious meters that I had ahead of them. I glanced quickly behind checking how much time I had lost only to see that my family had stopped. They were standing still pain etched in their faces as they watched me run away.

I carried on convinced that it must be a trick but I could hear that they weren't following me anymore. Part of me was glad…but part of me was bitter that they had given up without even fighting. My anger was gone now and I noticed that it was dark. I slowed to a jog as I looked at my surroundings, and they were unrecognisable. I stopped suddenly and sniffed the air hoping to gain a scent that would lead me to civilisation. I didn't get anything. I could hear the wind whistling through the trees and the small rustles of animals scurrying around in the bushes.

I was lost.

As well as the assessment that I probably wouldn't be able to find my way out of here until it got light again a chilling thought ran through me as I realised, I couldn't go back to civilisation. I was a freak, I was inhuman, and I couldn't go back. I could never go back. They'd kill me, or lock me up in some cage for people to laugh and gawp at. I howled in frustration only to upset myself even more at the sound of the harsh animalistic sound that escaped my lips. I looked around spinning in desperation. There must be somewhere I could go.

I ran with the wind crashing through the undergrowth searching for something. There had to be a small cave or abandoned shelter where I could stay for the time being while I figured out exactly what I was going to do with my shambles of a life. Searched for the next hour, well it could have been 10 minutes but i couldn't tell. And then amidst my searching I stumbled out into a small meadow. I glanced around for any danger then hurried forward continuing my plundering. Seemed like any luck I may have had completely deserted me as I tripped over a small stone, and fell onto my face. I lay there in defeat my long nose pressed in the dirt then let out a choked sob as claustrophobia gripped me, the fear stabbed my already aching heart.

I began to shiver and shake once again with fear as the anger escaped me replaced with the numbing loneliness. I began to weep softly in despair only vaguely realising that I was human once again. I had nothing left in me to celebrate this small triumph, something small inside of me told me that I still couldn't go back to humanity. I felt everything closing in, pressing against me. My vision blurred and I panicked as I realised that all I could see was darkness. I struggled to hang onto reality but I could feel myself slipping of the precarious edge. I let out a strangled screamed, completely terrified, I hurriedly decided quite firmly I didn't want to be free I just wanted to safe again.

The world continued to choke me, cutting me off and as I searched the dark back forest for something other than the endless lines trees. I fell numbly into unconsciousness and plunged into the horrifying cage of my mind.

**Please Review! ** **P.S. I redid this chapter as I wasn't pleased with how I had described the phase and the incidents before and after. I will be posting the next couple of chapters as soon as possible but I want to spend a lot of time on it as it is going to be extremely important and I want it to be as exciting as possible.**


	6. Chapter 5

_Bella POV_

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><p><em>There was nothing, nothing, nothing. I was falling, tumbling through the darkness, a never ending fall. Nothing went past me yet I knew I was falling, somehow just the motion of the darkness rushing through me and the wind screaming in my ears, making them sore and chapped reassured me that I was not simply laying on the darkness. <em>

_That was impossible. How could you lay on nothing? _

_I was in pain so much pain anyway this wasn't like the other dreams where I had just been scared of basically nothing, this was a harsh taunting darkness that rejoiced in hurting me, ridiculing me, playing with my fragile mind. I felt sick and dizzy as black mist swirled around me, stinging my eyes with its cruel sharp edges. _

_It began to get worse as the darkness became more animated inspired by my fear; it began tightening its grip around my ankles cutting into my skin dragging me down to hell itself. They were tentacles, like knifes and they cut me, slashing my arms raggedly. I didn't bleed, there wasn't any blood. Instead darkness began to ooze out of the cuts thick and gloopy, sliding down my arms, covering me, making me become part of the black night around me. I was slowly disappearing into nothing. _

_This was out of control. The dreams weren't usually this bad, what was happening? _

"It's only a dream Bella, It's only a dream. Nothing can hurt you it's all in your head, all in your head".

_I scolded my mind for tormenting me, but it carried on regardless, oblivious to me. There was nothing left of me now except my eyes, they thrashed around in their sockets desperate not to be taken as well. I heard people shouting, I struggled against my chains against the chamber of my deceased mind, desperate to hear them, but my mind turned the shouts into whispers and they sunk into my soul, ripping out the tendons that had linked me to my life, my other half, my Edward. _

"Silly girl" _they sung inside of me. _"Silly, silly Bella, all alone with no one. No one to love her."

_I sobbed in anguish "_Leave… m...me alone_!" I stuttered trying hard to be resilient to their teasing. They tightened their grip on me burning my skin now instead of cutting it._

"**NOBODY LOVES YOU!**_" The voice shrieked in my head and I screamed in protest as it continued. "_Why would he have ever loved you? You're pathetic and stupid; you're dumb, grotesque and ignorant. **WHY WOULD HE LOVE YOU!**"_ The darkness lashed out and struck my face, cutting and burning it._

"I don't k…know, I thought he loved, he told me loved me. I don't want to be alone!"_ I wailed fighting against the darkness kicking out. I gasped as I came into contact with a solid wall, pain shuddered up my leg._

"Don't try and fight Bella, you'll only make it worse_." Black burning chains wrapped round my arms locking me in place as I struggled against it. But it was no use, it was impossibly strong. I was welded in place and the darkness. Suddenly lightening seemed to strike and the ropes and ties that bound me were a light. I let out a strangled cry as the smoke billowed into my mouth, I was screaming, crying choking. I wanted it to end. I would wake up soon, I had to wake up. No, I didn't want to wake up; I didn't want to wake up without him there to comfort me. I entire body yearned for him, I arched my back still gagging desperate to run, run away from all of this. I screamed again as loud as I could, I heard it piercing the darkness. I wanted him to hear me, to hear me in pain so he could recue me, save me._

"No, Bella."_ The darkness seethed. I opened my eyes and the smoke burned them too. I coughed out smoke and black gunk. "_Bad, Bella."_ It struck me again harder this time, I had barely enough energy left in me to register the pain as I completely blacked out and the nothingness took over._

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><p><strong>Sorry this is quite a disturbing chapter I wanted to show how easily broken Bella could be and how helpless she was against her own mind and thoughts. It was just a quick chapter to fill in a little bit, please review!<strong>


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I'm just borrowing them.**

**_Paul POV_**

"_Remind me again, why are we out at midnight searching for some loser that's got lost in this dumb forest? I am pretty sure it didn't say in the job description that I had to be a pick-up service for lost lunatics._" I moaned to myself while I growled at a tree.

"_Oh shut up whining like a spoilt brat Paul, it's not like any of us want to be here either, you're making it a hell of a lot less enjoyable." _Jacob snapped at me.

"_Well I do try_." I snapped sarcastically back. Man he was so annoying. He reckoned he was some sort of god with all his second in command powers, I just thought he was an arse.

The constant buzz inside my head was making it ache, I knew I wasn't being fair but I could hardly help my feelings, we were all grumpy which tended to mean the emotion was being amplified in our minds, making as all irritated. I could hear Jacob's thoughts, well who couldn't, they were practically screaming at us all. They were getting on my nerves most of all. "_Bella hates me._" "_Does she hate me?_" "_She will hate me._" "_Ugh why can't I tell her?_" "_We tell each other everything_." "_She's my best friend_." "_Why does everything have to change just because I am freak now?_" "_Should I answer her calls?_" "_Why did it have to be me?_" "_Why did she have to be in love with him?_" Every day for the last month, it wasn't as if the treaty said we couldn't talk to regular human beings, but Jake seemed to have got it into his head that he was going to hurt her, to be honest I don't think he had it in him. Out of all of us he had the most control. I am pretty sure he wouldn't, couldn't do what…the image of Emily's beautiful, destroyed face flashed up in my mind before I could stop it.

"_God Paul, shut up before I actually kill you, we just need to get this over and done with! It won't take long, so just shut the hell up and deal with it_." He snarled at me in his head. I just sighed; I had vowed long ago that I would never fall in love. Too much fuss, too much bloody stress by the looks of it.

"_Yeah Pauly-boy, it's not like you were busy any way_." Jarrod chimed in swiping me playfully across the back.

Normally I would have laughed along and knocked him back, but today I was far beyond pissed off. Sam had gone and woke us all up to investigate some person that had wandered into the woods and got lost. I thought the whole idea of a having a pack was so we could protect our people from terrifying monsters that threatened their daily lives, although it was mostly leeches, but still, I reckoned that if we and the bloodsuckers existed then who knew what else was out there? But anyway we definitely weren't created to babysit drunken madmen stumbling around the woods. I could not be bothered to put up with Jarod's stupid teasing, I tried to let the comment roll over me, tried to remain calm. I counted down from 3 in my head methodically.

"_And anyway"_

**3…**

"_,who on earth could love you?"_

…**2…**

"_They would either have to be completely deranged,"_

…**1…**

"_or just plain retarded like you."_

…**0**

I whirled round in fury throwing Jared into a tree, the force uprooting the pathetic plant with a resounding '**CRACK!**' echoing through the trees around us. "_Jesus!_" Jared cursed. "_I was only having a joke, Mr __Psycho__._" He complained checking himself for injuries.

"_Yeah well, piss off." _Last thing I needed was to have him prancing and joking about in my head when all I wanted to do was find this idiot and then get the hell back home.

"_Well get out of my head then_." Whoa man, now that, that was a pretty pathetic come back, for Jared. I mean come on. I'd expect that sort of stupidity from Jacob.

"_What you think I haven't tried?" _I growled now sucked into the full swing of the jibing contest._ "Why would I want to be in your head, I just end up getting off with Kim all the time, which wasn't as fun as I thought it would be, man what happened to your standards?"_ I retaliated, then stopped shocked a bit, realising I may have taken that a bit too far. I didn't really have much time to react or regret it before Jarred was on top of me, trying to rip my throat out, same old really.

"_Oh my god you're like a couple of girls, I'm phasing back, we're getting close now and I honestly cannot put up with any more of Paul's pathetic thoughts_." Jacob muttered to no one in watched him run off to phase in private and heard his 'voice' disconnect from the scramble that filled our minds, then we all followed suite quickly, all the lines and voices cutting off. I breathed out in relief when greeted with the peaceful tranquillity of silence.

"Oi Paul, get your butt over here already!" I heard Embry call out.

I moaned softly. I had hardly slept these past few weeks; we had been up all hours these nights trying to sort out this ginger vampire who kept dancing over our territory line. She acted like it was some sort of game, we don't know if she actually knows about the treaty but I reckon it isn't too hard to figure out just go to where the vampire's scent is cut off by the river and replaced with the comforting, well not comforting to them, smell of us wolves. I moaned again as I dragged my aching feet to join the rest of the pack. I just wanted to lie down on the soft inviting grass and pass out.

There were 5 of us now, I looked at the faces of my brothers, and their eyes too were weighed down with black bags of needed sleep. Jacob, Jarred, Embry, me and Sam although he was safe at home probably all cuddled up with Emily.

Embry is the newest and for some reason he seems to find the whole deal pretty awesome. If I am honest I think it is sort of cool but the whole knowing everyone's secrets things sucks big time. You can never have any privacy which is irritating as well as unsettling. You never have to explain yourself or tell a story twice, they can simply filter through your thoughts until they find what they need to know. But in a way you get used to it and if everyone at least tries to keep out of other people's business then that's okay.

The worst part for me was the anger. I just couldn't control it, and I have no idea how anyone else possibly could. It wasn't just a feeling for me, it took over me, in a way, i sort of became somebody else completely. It messed with my mind so bad that now when I am angry I can't think straight at all, I just want to punch the living day lights out of anything, out of everything. It came in waves sometimes, you can feel it building and if I am quick I can smother it before I break whoever's nose is in reaching distance. That's how it works nearly all the time for the others, yet generally speaking for me it comes in quick sharp stabs, taking over me before I even realise I'm angry. Harsh cruel words will fly from my mouth in a frantic rush to hurt someone, the fury bursting out of me uncontrollably, smashing and ripping apart whatever it comes into contact with.

I hated it, the constant feeling of doubt, never knowing when I would next erupt. I was continually apologising to those I had hurt with my acidic insults, which tended to infuriate me even more. My anger was my weakness but yet it was my one true strength, it cost me so much I couldn't make new friends, I had had lean of the fragile crutch of kinship that tied me to my brothers, but even that was ruined now from the thousands of arguments and disruption I had caused the pack. Not to count the amount of times I had trashed Sam and Emily's home.

I had struggled with flashes of fury and the blinding red anger when I was human but they seemed like petty sulks compared to how the antagonising rage I felt these days that now frequently gripped my mind. The wolf gene seems to take all the tiny little details and expand them into uncontrollable problems. It was like the elders had planned to ruin everyone's lives as much as they possibly could when they passed on the stupid inheritance.

"Paul dude, hurry up, come on." Embry yelled back to me. I was snapped out of my contemplations and assessment of my pathetic excuse of a life and saw that the others had wandered off ahead. I hurried to follow them, not wanting to be left behind. I just wanted to get the hell back home and get out of this damp mouldy swamp of a forest, but I still wanted to be in the action, well if there was any action. I had a strong feeling that it was just going to be a sad old madman who'd had one pint to many, but still no point in bothering to get up at this time if I didn't actually end up doing anything. I pushed my way through the undergrowth, clawing at the green foliage trying to catch up. I sniffed the air trying to catch onto their scent, to make sure I was headed in the right direction. I whirled around getting slightly panicked; I couldn't smell anything except the stupid dumb smothering stench of the vegetation that was packed tightly around me.

"Oi Paul, where've you gone?" I heard Jacob call out from somewhere deep in the maze of trees. "Stop being an idiot and get your arse over here!" I turned towards the noise and sprinted towards it. I put as much effort into it was possible, my legs pounding, my arms reaching out in front of me trying, and failing, to protect me from the sharp branches and bushes that sat complacently in my way.

"**Oomph!**" The air in my already bursting lungs was punched out of me as I reeled back, my head spinning painfully from the impact. I fell dumbly onto the soggy earth beneath me gasping for breath as I cursed silently at the retarded tree that I had just run smack bang into. I lay there only momentarily recovering quickly before I stood up slowly checking myself once over for any serious damage. As soon as I was happy with my overview I stepped cautiously around the tree, eyeing It carefully before giving it a finally glare and turning once more to the dense forest to start my frantic search again.

"It's only a dream Bella, It's only a dream. Nothing can hurt you it's all in your head, all in your head".

I felt my blood run cold and my heart seemed to stop at the sudden sound of that anxious whisper behind me. The sound of the voice echoed in my head, bouncing of the walls of my skull. My heart burst into unexpected racing and delight seemed to fill my body seeping through me at the sound of it. I felt the sudden urge, the desperate need to _see_ who had spoken out, in a voice so twisted with hurt and pain yet bringing an exciting, strange tingling sensation to my stomach. I twisted my body warily around to see who _they_ were.

She wasn't recognisable at first, she looked so different, and she looked well, sort of exotic and quite sexy.

Her long dark hair was splayed out in a messy haystack around her face which was hidden from view beneath her smooth tanned arms. My eyes continued to gape at her subtle yet obvious beauty. Her skin was a lush heated shade and as my eyes moved on eager to investigate what the rest of this angel's body looked like I quickly noticed that she was completely naked and I felt a heated blush rise to my face and a fresh spasm of tingles stabbed at the walls of my stomach. I blinked at the peculiar new emotion in surprise. It cleared my vision sharply and I saw her as she truly was. She was splayed out on the grass her body twitching with convulsions; she was moaning and growling in a feral, animalistic way. Her back arched suddenly as if in torturous pain. I felt a low surge of anger fill me at the thought of this small, strange yet angelic girl being hurt.

I sighed in blissful content as I felt my entire body struggle against the overwhelming desire to touch her, to help her. I stopped stunned by this powerful urge, it was stupid and made no sense, I didn't know this girl, why should I have these unwanted feelings for her. I watched still wary as her hands quickly fell away from her face, digging into the churned up earth around her as a cry escaped her lips, I stepped back as I saw that it was lined thin streaks of blood from the scratches that her long nails had raked into her face. A small growl burst from lips as I saw her perfectly shaped face ruined by the harsh indents. I then gasped in shock as I watched them quickly heal, I shook my head in confusion, I couldn't be sure that they had even been there in the first place they had disappeared so fast. I studied her face in bewilderment and I felt and odd twinge of recognition.

Suddenly I heard the foliage being pushed away behind me and I heard the quick gasps of shock burst from my brother's mouths; I could almost picture their shocked faces at the sight before them. I felt the tingles still stabbing my stomach turn sharp as my mind realised that they could see her, naked. I knew it was wrong but I felt a strange resentment to all of them. The feeling was quickly lost the moment I heard the angst cry escape Jacob's surprised lips and in an agonised flash I realised who this small terrified girl that fascinated me so grippingly at first sight was.

"**BELLA!"**

**...**

**So what do you think? sorry it took so long to write but I had a moment of writers block and i really couldnt figure out how to make Paul react...so please review and tell me what you think :D till next time ttfn!**


	8. Chapter 7

_Paul POV_

"**BELLA!"**

The unbelieving cry tore through the darkness shredding the disturbing, quiet of the forest, as we all stood still; silent statues, staring in disbelief at _her_.

She was Bella, the wild, feral creature thrashing disturbingly around by an unseen torturer before us, _she_ was Bella. Yet it wasn't her, to me it wasn't. My eyes refused to see, to understand, how it could be her.

I frantically searched through my mind trying to fit this image with the memories of Jacob and Bella together. I could see them laughing and smiling as they walked along the beach only a month ago, I could see the time that they sat eating a take-away on Jacob's old shabby sofa, while watching some comedy film, the two of them gasping for air as the giggled like madmen at some sketch, I could hear them joking and teasing as he fixed her car, the rain battering down noisily down on the old rusty roof of her unreliable truck.

As I watched Jacob chase after her on an unusually hot day, firing a water gun at her already soaking figure, her clothes clinging tightly to her petite, feminine figure, something small inside of me seemed to whisper "_Not mine._"

Suddenly my breathing quickened. Sharp slightly ragged breaths punched out of me at the thought of this other girl, this Bella, the one that lay with a face and body that seemed to be so perfectly sculptedmight one day be mine. Joyous sparks flew down my spine, my stomach pierced with a fresh rally of butterflies. I felt a soft sigh climbing my throat and I smothered it quickly. Jesus Christ, what the hell is getting into me?

I focused my attention back to my searching. I lingered on the memories trying to link them to the spectacle before me. I couldn't imagine this girl before us smiling. She was mad, insane, deceased and she looked considerably different to the frail, clumsy pale girl that stood out in Jacob's mind. Her skin was several shades darker along with her hair and she looked taller more filled out then before. The girl in Jacob's mind had a petite frame whereas this girl had a more defined and muscular shape. But even with all those details, which thoroughly contradicted the idea, it was her.

I watched as Jacob ran towards her, quickly kneeling down by her side, his hands fluttering helplessly above her not quite sure where to put them. Jealousy tugged at my heart as I watched him gape at her while she lay in her vulnerable state. I struggled against a somehow triumphant smile as he went to grab her hand and she retaliated sharply, scratching her nails into his tough skin. He yelped in alarm, falling backwards in surprise.

He seemed lost for a moment, drifting through the obvious panic of his mind. After a moment he turned his eyes to us; they were frantic with fear and burning anxiety.

"What's wrong with her? What's happening to her?" he yelled at us, the confusion and helplessness breaking out into his voice. I studied her quivering, shaking, _bare_ body, probably longer than was really necessary and suddenly realised what might be wrong.

"She's having a fit." I heard myself say to Jacob in a voice filled with complete assurance.

I ran and joined Jacob's side. He gave me odd look, not really understanding my eagerness to help the girl he…loved. The thought made me want to choke. I felt a sharp slap on my left leg as Bella lashed out. I heard her moan in pain. My arms reacted like Jacobs had fluttering, never landing, unsure of what to do. I racked my mind for some sort of idea. How were you meant to deal with people who were having a fit? I wasn't sure if you left them or what exactly? Maybe she suffered from epilepsy? Don't you have to carry an Epipen around for that? Or a special tag? No Jacob would have surely known if Bella suffered from something as serious as Epilepsy.

I struggled with myself desperate to remember something that could help her. I looked up to see Jarred and Embry still standing still staring. I yelped unexpectedly, why weren't they doing anything, why weren't they trying to help her? Their stares turned to me in surprise.

"Get over here quickly!" I shouted. "We have to hold her, make sure she won't hurt herself!" I heard myself speak out again, unsure how I had known that this was the correct procedure, that small something in the back of mind seemed to agree, I watched still furious at their lack of help as they hurried over, the bewilderment still frozen on their faces. "Grab her arms and legs and try to secure them." I ordered, attempting to remain calm, but the stabbing feeling that still gripped my stomach became nearly unbearable as I watched them grab at her. I didn't want them to touch her in this vulnerable state. She was _mine_.

"_Leave… m...me alone!" _She sobbed out. My eyes flew to her face and to my dismay; I saw tears streaming down her beautiful face. I tried to ignore her angst plea, the sadness ripped through me at the thought of me accidently hurting her, as I desperately tried to still her flailing arm. I tightened my grip cautiously trying to make sure that I didn't apply to much pressure. I concentrated solely on being as gentle as possible while trying to calm the struggling limb.

"**Crack!" **

The harsh sound of the slap seemed to travel straight through my heart, juddering against the veins that tightened their grip on my peculiar feelings for Bella, they seemed to be making them more concrete by the second. A snarl rippled across my features as I leapt at Jared throwing him onto his back, shoving my arms against his chest, trying to pin him to the floor. I pushed my face close to his.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing?" I roared. I wanted nothing more than to punch the living daylights out of him, how dare he hurt her. She was already in an unstable condition what the fuck was he thinking?...wait, what the fuck was I thinking? He stared at me dumbfounded by my reaction.

"T….th…that's w…what..." He coughed nervously and cleared his throat, his eyes warily watching my furious glare. "That's what you have to do isn't it? You…you have to wake them up? Um…shock them …out of _it_?" He finished pathetically, waving his hands vaguely towards Bella's direction. He glanced back at her and I followed his gaze. I saw that Jacob and Embry were kneeling beside her still shuddering frame, their arms hanging dumbly by their sides, staring at me in complete mystification.

I shoved myself off of him and hurried back to Bella's side, reaching for her writhing arm. "What on earth is up with you? You're turning into bloody psycho Paul!" He questioned his eyes boring holes into my back as if trying to draw the answer from the D.N.A. of my skin. He spat into the dirt and stood up indignant. "What's wrong Paul?" he asked again, treading threateningly round to face me as I strived to get a firm but gentle grip on Belle's arms.

"Nothing's wrong!" I barked out. I sucked in a quick breath mentally instructing my mind to stay calm. "You have to be gentle. It doesn't help the situation in any way what so ever if you break her jaw!" I seethed in disbelief at his stupidity.

"That's not what I mean, psycho. Why should you care about Bella? She's Jacob's chick yet you're the one getting all protective over her? What's up with that? You got something to prove? Or are you just doing it to wind Jacob up?" I felt the anger gripping my mind again but before I could retaliate with an excuse to my altogether bizarre behaviour Bella shouted out.

"_I don't k…know, I thought he loved, he told me loved me. I don't want to be alone!"_ she wailed miserably, fresh agonized tears pouring from her raw eye lids, the delicate frail notes of her voice sending painful stabs down my spine, she was talking about the leech. I reached out to stroke her face, to tell her everything was alright; I wouldn't let her be alone…

"**Oomph**!" I felt the wind get knocked out of my lungs for the second time today as Bella's foot, which Jared was meant to be holding onto, lashed out and collided with my ribcage. I gasped along with Bella, me in surprise, reeling back at the strength and power of the hit and her probably from the heat of my skin or the sheer solidness of my chest.

I sat stunned for a second as Jared's words suck in. I felt my body go numb with fear and anxiety. I could never have Bella, as long as Jacob remained in love with her, she would never be mine. Her leg kicked out and hit my thigh; I sucked in a sharp breath the pain bringing me back to reality.

Why would I want Bella? Jared was right, this was all completely irrational, I have only just met her and within that meeting she hasn't turned out to be the most normal of chicks. So why do I feel so compelled to be with her? Why does it feel so right to want her? Jacob reached out and grabbed the juddering leg. "Thanks." I muttered.

"I didn't do it for you, she might break her leg if she hits you too hard." He replied icily. I sighed. Man what the hell was I doing? I raked my shaking fingers through my cropped hair.

"We have to move, she can't stay here…maybe we should take her to a hospital?" I contemplated whispering in a low voice. My assurance in my voice was weak. I honestly didn't know what to do. Weren't fits only meant to last 2 or 3 minutes? Bella had been having before we even found her God knows how long she has been laying here. Something in the back of my mind was niggling me; I knew this wasn't a normal fit. Something was seriously wrong with this situation.

All our heads snapped up as we heard a sharp intake of breath come from Embry. I thought it was simply because she had lashed out and hit him too, but as I took in the mixed emotions that were scrambling across his face I could tell it was something far worse. "Embry?" I questioned.

I watched as he pointed a shaking figure to Bella's flapping arm. It took a few moments for the image to sink into my mind.

"I don't think we should take her to hospital…" he murmured in an anxious voice.

She had a tattoo, she had _the_ tattoo. The puzzle of black continuous lines creating perfectly made swirls that looped beautifully in an intricate spiral trapped forever by the thick 'alpha' line that in-caged them into a relatively small confined circle. She had it. Bella Swan a normal-…well actually that was debatable, okay well she was a human none the less and somehow she had managed to get the pack tattoo which proved that _**she**_ was a werewolf, for this tribe inked into her arm. Something told me that Bella wasn't the kind of girl that went for skin art let alone one that would choose this sort of design anyway.

How was that even possible? Girls couldn't be wolves and wait…she was Charlie's little girl wasn't she? Bella wasn't even a direct descendant. What the hell was going on? This wasn't possible.

"It's a coincidence, it has to be!" Jacob said nervously, looking up at our troubled faces with desperation. "She can't be a- she can't be one of _us_!" I felt myself nodding along with him in agreement, despite the unfair chance that she almost defiantly was one.

She was a werewolf somehow or another, just like me, just like Jacob, like all of us that had inherited the unlucky gene. She would have to suffer along with the rest of us as we gave up our entire lives to protecting a town of full of ungrateful people.

Jacob looked back forlornly at the girl he loved so much, you could see it. You could physically see his love for her, just by the way he held her failing limbs as light as he possible could, and the way he breathed out her name as if it was the very thing that kept him alive.

They were connected in so many ways. They fitted together like the pieces of a puzzle, designed for each other-soul mates in effect. That's why Jacob hadn't talked to her. That's why he hadn't even tried to contact after he changed. Not because he was an over reactive fool, but…because he _loved_ her so much that he couldn't and wouldn't ever be able to force her into something she didn't want to be, his imprint. She was destined to be it, from the moment she opened her eyes, and she would be with Jacob forever and always.

But why wouldn't she want to be it? That's what annoyed me. Jacob was the perfect guy, straight A student; he had the looks and the perfect personality. He put other people before himself and was painfully modest about it all. Like the fact that he was meant to be the Alpha and he turned it down? I mean what the hell if I was offered something like that I would take it without a second thought. To be trusted to be in charge of something and for people to _**have**_ to like me for once and do exactly as I say. That would amazing, a dream, but no Mr Jacob Black just didn't feel that he could live up to expectations.

So why wouldn't she want to be with him forever? Why did he think that she wouldn't want him? Because she was in love with a leech? I mean come on any imprint is going to be a hell of a lot stronger than the pathetic excuse of a relationship that the two freaks had. I'd seen them in Jacob's mind, Fuckward and the rest of his blood sucking family practically controlling her every move. It was ridiculous.

They would be the perfect couple.

I felt my heart sink lower and lower. I could never be with her.

_She will never be mine._

The word ripped and teased my mind, digging for the anger buried which would release and banish the new unwanted emotions, these feelings I had for a girl that I only knew from the fleeting memories I had from Jacobs over protective mind and this one bizarre meeting.

_She will never be mine._

She was Jacob's; she would always be his as he would always be hers. He would look after until the day she died. She wouldn't want me, why would she want me when she had the all-round Mr Perfect already head over heels for her? Me well I was the complete opposite too Mr Great guy. I was selfish and shut off from the world around me, with my anger controlling my life I have to deal with most things on my own, no friends or support by my side. I gave up completely on trying to stay in a relationship. I wasn't built for it.

_She will never be mine._

I forgot birthdays, anniversaries, and all the other important stuff. Most of the time I fell for the girls hard but I never seemed to be able to impress them. I would turn up drastically late to dates with no money to pay for the meal or the cinema ticket. I didn't mean to and I always promised to pay them back, but never quite got round to it. I would turn up on a doorstep wearing a shirt and tie, holding a bunch of flowers throwing pebbles at her bedroom window, eager to woo the unsuspecting girl with my romantic flair, only to remember she'd gone away for the weekend to Spain so then having to trudge home in the pouring rain. I tried to remember the girls name but all I could see was Bella's face laughing with Jacob fighting over the TV remote.

_Never be mine._

And I had the baggage. The heavy weighted baggage of my haunting past that dragged me into week longs periods of depression ever so often. I remembered those anniversaries. Those were the only ones that held any purpose for me. Nobody wanted anything to do with me, I was an outcast. I was set on the course of life with the daunting inability to fit in, anywhere. Most of the girls had just felt sorry for me, they were eager to please me and they would try to cheer me up for a while but they soon grew tired. I stared at Bella's tear streamed face and wanted to sooth her. To make sure that nothing could hurt her like this again.

_Never be mine._

I hadn't had many relationships and most had floated about as well as a rock in water. They didn't last more than a few months, each one ending with a short phone call or a text explaining that it just wasn't working out and that they were very sorry. And each time I would promise myself never again. Paul Meraz walked alone.

_Never._

I sucked in a quick breath as I felt my slowly getting crushed by the weight of the sorrow that reeked through my body.

_Never…_

She would never be mine; I would have to accept it. But the thing was, deep inside, I knew that I could never move on from this moment. I would forever be haunted with this memory, just like the all the others that taunted me in my sleep. I would always remember the mysterious girl, tortured by the unseen, hurt by the unknown…because I loved her.

….

What. The. _Fuck_!

What the hell is wrong for me? I don't love Bella! I have never even liked Bella…I…I _loathed_ her. I thought she was a retarded bitch who hung about with a bunch of leeches because she gets a thrill from being a moron!

I was Paul. Paul Meraz. I didn't care for anyone but myself. I lived life as it came, took everything in my stride. I was afraid of nothing, I did what I liked. If people didn't like me, I could deal with it. I didn't need people; I didn't need anybody, not anymore. I was always certain with my decisions, always careful to plan things exactly. And I was quite certain that I was **not** in love with stupid little Bella Swan. I tried to smile to myself, faintly amused by my little speech of reassurance, but the anger was welling deep inside of disgusted by the sickly thoughts I'd had of Bella. I knew I was going to lose it any second now.

"Let's take her to Sam." I growled sharply, abruptly dropping Bella's leg.

Embry's eyes flashed to my face trying to make sense of the terrifying scowl that ruled my features "Paul wha-"

"Nothing's wrong, shut the fuck up! Come on, Jesus Christ, hurry up…Jacob…Jacob can carry her." I snapped. I could feel the anger threatening to swallow me whole, but then a new feeling took over.

I watched as Jacob hugged her close to him and as I watched him secure his muscular arms around the shaking quivering innocent figure of Bella, jealousy stabbed at my spine, it ripped through my heart as I watched Jacob try and fail to look away from her revealing body.

A snarl burst from lips as the pain continued to strike my insides. They all looked at me in complete astonishment and I ignored the looks as I stared at her. She was _mine_ and he had no right to touch her, I wanted to hold her tight to tell her everything was going to be fine. I'd keep her safe. I'll make sure that whatever is happening to her now will never happen again. Whoever had hurt her would pay; they would pay so fucking bad.

I tried to control my mind as the stabbing continued intent on letting me know that she would never be mine. I watched Jacob turn away and head into the forest. I felt my feet drag themselves after him and I stopped abruptly. I couldn't do this I had no idea what the fuck was happening. I let loose another growl as I fought with my body that refused to look away from the disappearing figure taking away the girl who was mine, I had found her.

Suddenly Jacob turned round sharply probably wondering why I was spitting and snarling like a madman. Time seemed to go in slow motion as I watched him spin, he wasn't watching carefully enough and I saw Bella's small fragile head collide with the tree in a terrifying crunch. She stopped juddering almost immediately and at the same time my vision completely blurred, the red anger taking over. Pure anguish clawed at my heart the pain unbearably torturous as I heard her heart falter.

I let out an earth shattering roar as ran towards him. He had hurt her. He had hurt what was rightfully mine!

I tried to regain my calm, but I wanted to kill him so bad. How could he have been so careless, was he fucking demented?

"Give her to me." I snarled menacingly I was vibrating, quivering, I took a deep breath, I had to remain cool, I couldn't afford to lose it. "Now!" I barked impatiently and I was surprised as Jacob simply handed her over, his face numb with terror his eyes gaping in disbelief at Bella's unmoving body.

I took her beautiful body and held it tight in my arms, hugging her close to my body, inhaling her scent slightly and then tore off into the woods desperate to find Sam, to find out if we could help her, if anyone could help her. I ran as fast as I could, not wanting to waste a single second.

Yet I wanted her in my arms forever. I loved the sensation of her luscious skin against mine; it was perfect and sent a delightful set of tingles to my stomach. Her hair tickled my chest as it blew back in the wind revealing her breath-taking features to my hungry eyes.

I looked down at her troubled, angelic face as the wind and trees tore past us in a blur and smiled.


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I'm just borrowing them.**

**Hey guys just thought I would make a quick apology. I'm really sorry about the appallingly late update on this story, it has been ages. My excuses are as follows: well first my darling little netbook got very ill and had to be sent away and I didn't get it back until recently, plus I had quite a few exams to get ready for and then the rest of the time was laziness and writer's block. Hope that's justifiable for you all! Anyway please enjoy I don't know if it went as well as I wanted it too, so if you have any problems with it or any ideas I could try out, you know what to do my lovelies! X **

_Bella POV_

I opened my eyes slowly, fighting against my heavy, sleep-weighted eyelids. I stared silently at the plain white ceiling above me, before I sat up, yawned and stretched my arms. I gazed round the unfamiliar room in puzzlement.

Where was I? Had Esme decided to redecorate my room while I'd been asleep? Wow, how long had I been out of it this time?

I studied the small room in bewilderment.

It was quite plain, the walls a starched white colour that matched the thin sheets that lay on top of me. There were a few discarded blue plastic chairs placed randomly next to one side of the bed. I glanced down and saw a needle protruding from my arm attaching me to a solitary drip towering over the bed. Shuddering I yanked it from my arm in a swift motion. I quickly averted my gaze, not wishing to push my fragile stomach completely over the cliff. I searched the room for any details that might give me some sort of sign or any kind of clue as to what was going on.

I frowned in bewilderment. Where on earth was I and where were the Cull-

The name stuck in the back of my throat, I choked out a gasp. Then it hit me.

It all came back. Everything that had happened in the last 24 hours blasted in a flashing spinning slideshow as horror after horror was relived, the deafening thunder of the memories swirling unstoppable round and round my head. They poured through the paper thin walls of sleep that had been struggling to protect me for those few bewildering seconds. I gripped my aching skull with the slender tanned hands that didn't belong to me as I groaned loudly, rocking back and forth.

I swung my legs out of the white sheets, standing up hurriedly, frantic with fear. I ran towards the wooden door at the end of my bed, bursting out into a narrow corridor. I slammed full force into the opposite wall, stumbling backwards dazed slightly, before sinking to my knees.

The memories hit me, all my precious treasured memories of Edward, my Edward.

His face, the warm soft golden eyes penetrating deep into my soul searching and discovering everything about me yet hiding so much about himself behind the ochre spheres, his mouth that was so angelically sculpted, hard as stone but soft as passion, his voice, the on-going songs and melodic words that flowed from those lips.

His utter perfection that out shined me in all ways possible, the way he held me with such care and love, as I tossed and turned tormented by my nightmares, all the blissful passionate kisses, however fleetingly short they were, the highlights of my pathetic human days.

So many memories fleeted and flashed through my mind, the excitement in his eyes when he introduced me to the rest of his wonderfully, perfect family. The time he first played the piano to me, when he hummed me to sleep with his lullaby, when he would catch me anxiously, every time I faltered and tripped, when he would grab my hand and point out various birds and trees as we walked through the forest to our meadow, to _our_ private place. When he took me to watch his family's peculiar, yet fascinating game of baseball, when he saved me, from the scorching pain of James' venom, that terrifying night in Phoenix.

His breath-taking gracefulness as he strode next to me, over shadowing my pale insignificant figure. But most importantly his ever constant never changing beauty.

My heart ached as I relived every second I could remember, the memories speeding up, mashing together. My eyebrows creased in agony as I saw his face mirrored in my mind a thousand times over and over and over and over and over-

"_**THAT'S NOT BELLA!"**_

He wasn't mine and I wasn't his, I had ruined everything. My sheer stupidity had wrecked the most amazing thing that had happened to me.

He didn't love me. Not anymore.

My whole body seemed to shudder manically as I realised the finality if that statement.

He didn't want me. He would never want me.

More images filled my mind; it felt like a knife was sharply carving away at my numb insides, reminding me of every fragment of him with the cold harsh pain. These images were louder, more defined. They pierced my brain with hatred, fear and repulsion. I had caused this and now I would have to live with the consequences. I was a freak.

I desperately struggled to switch back to the earlier images. I wanted to hear him say that he loved me, again and again and again. But my mind wouldn't let me and it ploughed on relentlessly.

I saw his face when he told me he didn't love me, that he could never love me, when he screamed into my face that I wasn't Bella. How he had thrown my face away from him in disgust at my sheer ugliness. The way his eyes looked and into mine, searching for me, even though I was already there. When he turned away from me facing the wall unable to look at me, unable to face the girl he loved.

It was over, completely and utterly over.

I felt my heart shatter in despair as suddenly as that stupid mirror; I felt my body turn numb as the shards of my broken heart sliced maliciously through my soul.

"Oh my fucking God!" A man's voice cursed from somewhere along the narrow corridor I had collapsed in.

"Bella!" I heard another unfamiliar voice shout out, how odd he knew my name yet I had no idea whose body that voice belonged to. His voice sounded muffled and distant, as my inside continued to turn cold with anxiety, shutting me off from the world around me. I curled myself into an even tighter ball, resisting the growing urge to see who had spoken.

"Oh god, man we left her for 2 freakin' minutes! Quick Embry! Go get Jacob…and Paul!" The first man's voice shouted out again, I wondered who he was. I wondered if he'd ever been in love. I sighed softly. I heard the man speak again, he was much closer now. "Bella? Sweetheart? Are you okay?"

I thought about it for a minute, am I okay? I'm not hurt well at least not physically…mentally however…I think I could be beyond repair somehow. I felt the stabbing in my gut increase and I let out a plaintive whimper of fear.

I heard the sound of heavy footsteps approaching, and suddenly I was being lifted into someone's arms. I let out a shriek of fear as I scrambled against the iron grip, my eyes flying open. I was greeted by the sight of a young man's face very close to mine, too close for my liking. His dark black eyebrows were knitted together with concern. It took me a while to realise that concern, that _pity_ was for me.

I studied his face as he carried me back into the small room and laid me carefully onto the bed. He was fairly young his cheeks still graced with a faint blush of youth, his skin was tanned, a pleasant dark shade, not like the ugly yellow tone of mine. His eyes were a calm blue with a few specs of brilliant green dotted around the black pupils. His dark hair was cropped short and he had a certain look about him that made me feel like he was in charge.

I watched him nervously as he sat back into one of the plastic chairs. I hugged my knees tight against my chest trying hard to stop the fervent shivers that wracked my body.

"Bella?" He whispered cautiously, taking in my quivering figure. I stared at him so many questions whirling round my head. Who was he? How did he know my name? Did he know where- …did he know where _they_ were? Where was I? Was I being held hostage? Did he know that I turned into a giant wolf?

I decided the answer to the last question was a given 'no' because if he did know he would have ran far away from me, or be reacting like… like _they_ had. If he did know the only other possible outcome would be that he would have locked me up in some kind of cage for people to gawp at.

Maybe I was in a mental institution…that would make a lot of sense to be honest.

"Where am I?" I croaked out. I had to know, so that first if need be I could make an escape and second I honestly had no idea and it was making me panic even more.

The man's eyes seem to light up for a second, he was pleased with my response. He hurriedly answered,

"You're at my house Bella, in La Push. I'm Sam, Sam Uley, by the way." He smiled reassuringly at me and I nodded back hoping he would provide me with more information. "We found you, out in the woods on Monday and brought you back here. Bella, I need to know something. Can you tell me…did the Cullen's hurt you at all?"

I stared at Sam while his words sunk in. I tried to answer him to tell him that infact it wasn't just them who had hurt me but also me who had hurt them the most. I tried to find my voice but the words were only just being sorted out by my manic excuse of a mind.

Hurt.

Me.

**Cullen's.**

I was hit with another wave of fresh piercing agony. I gasped startled by the brutal force of the reminder that I was all alone. I curled up into a ball the breath knocked out of me; struggling to take in a breath. My mouth opened and closed like a fish as I gulped down oxygen my lungs collapsing.

Frantically I threw my arms around myself wrapping them round my middle, desperately trying to hold myself together. I started shaking more now, the world around me began to blur as I grasped my sides tighter willing it to stop.

I launched myself off the bed vaguely aware of Sam shouting at me. I couldn't hear him over the colossal roar in my head, deafening and painful. I glanced up to see to figures run into the room, bursting through the door, stumbling over each other in panic. One of them was another unfamiliar face, but the other man, the other boy, he was, he was…

Jake.

He was my Jake.

My heart faltered for a second as I let out a heartbroken cry, I hadn't seen him in so long. My juddering and quivering increased and I began gasping for breath again as my lungs once more began to cave in as I realised that I was about to lose my best friend as well. As soon as he saw me he would hate me, he would run.

"**BELLA**!" I heard him scream at me.

I stared into his terrified eyes before bursting into an ugly, hideous beast.

**Right so that is it for now I'm afraid, I will try to update sooner, not gonna say a date because garenteed I wont meet any sort of deadline I set myself. Please leave a review for me! I want to know what you think! So bye for now, until next time peeps! x**


	10. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I'm just borrowing them.**

_Paul POV_

I paced up and down the narrow corridor manically. I had no idea what was going on or what I was going to do. I had suddenly acquired completely unexplainable irrational feelings for a girl I barely knew who happened to have a _leach_ boyfriend and was completely and utterly insane.

Groaning loudly I clutched at my stomach as the stabbing pains increased.

I needed to know how she was, I needed to know why and what was happening to her, who had hurt her. I had no choice in the matter; I had to find out whether I liked it all not.

Grabbing at my head with my shaking hands, images flashed through my mind, of her screaming and thrashing in my arms as I ran up to Sam's door, his confused face as I told him that I couldn't stay, the last fleeting glance at her terrified expression, her eyes scrunched shut, tears streaming mercilessly down her pale cheeks and the feeling of immense guilt that washed through me as I walked away from her suffering figure and headed out into the unknown darkness of the woods. I was scared. I was scared for this girl, this tiny significant girl.

The heart piercing scream as I handed her over to Sam, Emily's shocked, bewildered expression, my pathetic excuse of an explanation, I remembered how the words had tripped and stumbled out of my clumsy mouth as I struggled to repeat the events. The relief and dismay that swam through me, as she had gained semi-consciousness in my arms, relief at the fact she appeared unharmed by the tree mishap and painful dismay at the fact she seemed to be dragged back into the terrifying coma.

The empty numb feeling that crept through me as entered my empty apartment, books, clothes and various other objects strewn around the room in a messy ensemble, summing up my life in an instant perfect definition. I was a wreck, no family, barely any excuse for friends and now to top it all off bizarre concern and worry for a young girl I had once disdained in repulsion. What the fuck was wrong with me? I hated people, their pitying looks, their hatred for me, they knew nothing about me, why should they make assumptions, stupid idiotic retarded assumptions, the tedious methodical stereotyping that had haunted and stalked my life.

I didn't need people, not anymore…but Bella did. I wondered what had happened to her. Had she lost her mind? Was she tortured…raped? What was the explanation behind her confusing twisting story? She was a wolf that was for certain, how though? She wasn't a direct descendant; in fact she was way off the chart. Charlie and what was her mum's name? Renna? Remy? Rene? Was that right? Well whatever they weren't related in way shape of form to the tribe. Maybe she could be part of another tribe, a tribe we're not aware of somehow?

Bella's uncovered, innocent body sprung back into my mind before I could stop it, she was beautiful, and how could I not have seen it before? I mean she was just the most-

…

Shit.

Oh my fuck.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" I screamed into the empty room, grabbing the nearest object to me and throwing it at an innocent wall. It crashed into loudly, the sound bouncing, echoing off the surrounding walls.

I had imprinted.

I had imprinted on Bella, _fucking_, Swan.

No wait backtrack…I hadn't looked into her eyes though had I? That was how it worked; you looked into their eyes, and bam you're under! But Bella hadn't opened her eyes. They'd stayed shut, squeezed, tightly shut, the entire time.

So I can't have imprinted on her could I?

I spun round frantically racing down the stairs, missing the bottom two steps, tripping over a discarded pile of books. Shoving the apartment door open, I flew out into the decrepit silent night streets; I raced along a dark alleyway, quickly glancing at my wristwatch, oh Jesus, 2:30 in the morning? Damn it I had school tomorrow, I shrugged internally, not like I hadn't bunked before, besides no one would miss me, I was failing in nearly all subjects anyway. What was the use?

I quickly reached the woods, I contemplated phasing quickly but something stopped me. What if one of the others was phased? A tingling chill of nervousness hit me. What if _Jacob_ to be precise had phased?

Right so no phasing until you confront Sam, that's the best option. I stumbled and tripped through the undergrowth, crashing and tumbling over bushes, around trees, until at last his house was in view. I paused for a moment. I could hear Sam murmuring something to someone in one of the spare bedrooms, but I couldn't hear anything from Bella. That was a good thing right?

Running up to the front door I knocked twice, then entered. I could hear a fumbling, racing heartbeat coming from the spare bedroom. A soft sigh escaped me. Bella.

I clambered up the stairs, swiftly striding along the thin hallway. I hesitated for a moment before crashing into the room, and in true 'Paul style' I barrelled straight into Jacob pushing him off balance causing him to fall onto a bed.

"Whoops!" I chuckled at Jacob's murderous glare. I held a hand out politely but he bluntly refused it. I shrugged and turned to survey the room instead.

All the guys were there sitting on one side of what looked like a hospital be in some disgusting plastic chairs, Sam stood on the other side of the bed, one arm wrapped around Emily. Beside them sat good old Billy in his wheelchair, his hands nervously untwining and entwining his crinkled fingers together. In the bed lay Bella, my precious Be- oh for god's sake man, get a grip!

She was clothed now (unfortunately) it looked like she was in one of Sam's old shirts. She appeared to be sleeping peacefully although a troubled frown graced her features.

"Paul, what are you doing here?" Jacob spat in my face. I wiped the spittle away from my face in a swift dramatic movement.

Jacob growled furiously ramming my body against the door frame. "What the **hell** is your problem!" he shouted.

"I need to talk to you." I said to Sam ignoring the idiot, Jacob muttered something unintelligible as he pressed my back against the sharp wooden corner.

Sam nodded silently to me and moved away from Emily walking past me. I shoved Jacob off of my chest, sending him reeling backwards and landing on the floor with a satisfying thump. I turned and legged it out of the house before the fight escalated and the talk with Sam would be forgotten.

We walked together, side by side, keeping an even steady pace. We didn't speak, not once. It was good in a way, it left me time to think, to get everything, all the questions I needed answering, into some resemblance of an order inside my shambles of a mind.

We reached the cliff top, the one we always used for diving off. The night air was still. I watched Sam as he slowly sat down on the edge his legs dangling over the quiet black water.

"What's going on Paul?" He asked softly staring out into the horizon.

I walked quickly to his side and threw myself onto the earth. I remained silent as I looked down at the inky sea swirling round and round.

"I think I've imprinted on Bella." I blurted out. Sam's head snapped up quickly his eyes studying my face. I probably looked a state, but I didn't care. I had no-one to impress.

His eyebrows knitted together in confusion, "But you haven't-"

"Yeah I know but," I sighed shaking my head; I turned to look into his eyes and shrugged casually, "I have these…these _feelings_ for her." His face was a picture of bewilderment; I looked back down at the threatening sea.

Sam turned his head and once again returned to staring out at the barely distinguishable distance. There was nothing to be heard for a few moments, just the gentle splashing of the dark black waves lulling on the shore.

"Like what?" He questioned suddenly his gaze returning back to my face.

I sighed again running a hand through my filthy cropped hair, "Like, I don't know…" I swallowed unexplainably nervous, "Sam, I hated her, like, I loathed her very existence and now, now I feel this obsession about protecting her and worrying if she's okay, and if I'm honest it's beginning to freak me out. I mean we haven't even met yet, it's been what 2 hours since I laid eyes on her and I've already seen her…you know…"

Sam's eyebrows rose in silent questioning. I felt an annoying blush set alight to my cheeks, ducking my head I mumbled. "…Naked."

An eruption of deep throaty laughter startled me out of painful embarrassment. I turned to see Sam practically rolling on the ground beside me clutching his sides. I scowled at him standing up hurriedly to kick his ribs.

His laughter bubbled down to a low chuckle as I resumed my position.

"Oooh, you've got it bad!" He managed to get out. I shoved his shoulder ignoring the new peal of laughter that burst from his lips. Finally he calmed down and we sat silent once again.

There was one question left though, the most important to me so far. It was burning my throat but I was still hesitant to ask it. Sam and I weren't usually so good at getting along with each other, usually because he was the guy that was telling me to control myself and get grip on a daily basis, so yeah our relationship wasn't really one built of trust, loyalty and what other soppy things make up a 'manly' relationship.

I weaved my fingers together interlocking them, "Sam? Is she definitely a wolf?"

"Mhhm." He mumbled quietly.

I started rambling, trying to get all of the questions buzzing round my head out at once, "But how is that possible I mean, she's a girl, she can't be a wolf, she isn't blood related at all-"

"She's Jacob's sister." Sam burst out suddenly.

"What?" I exclaimed jumping to my feet.

"She's Billy's daughter Paul."

"But he-I mean she-and he-…man that is fucked up!...Wait but that means that…" I stumbled over the words as I realised exactly what that meant.

"Charlie isn't her dad."

Oh my fucking god. I swear my heart soared with anticipation. That meant Jacob wasn't her imprint. I felt the happiness bubble through me, only slightly covering up the growing anxiety I had now I knew what was wrong with Bella.

"Sam?"

"Yes Paul?"

"What's the matter with Bella?" I asked trying to sound indifferent but even I could hear the weak pathetic tones of irrational worry leaking into the question. I watched as Sam burrowed his head into his hands covering up his face momentarily, "Is she going to be okay?" I whispered.

Sam sighed tiredly before glancing up at me, "I don't know Paul, I honestly don't know. Best thing we can do is wait until she wakes up and take it from there, the Sue said it would be maybe 3 4 days."

My heart shuddered in its methodical beat, "That long?" I slowly sat back down beside him shoving my oversized hands into my short pockets.

"Paul, from what we can tell, it doesn't look good. She is in a bad, condition-mentally, physically she's fine, beyond perfect, her first phase went completely unflawed." He hesitated for a moment warily eyeing my slightly quivering figure, "But whatever the Cullen's did to her, it not going to take seconds to fix, she is going to need time. God knows what she will be like when she finally wakes up, but I can guarantee it's not going to be pretty."

The shaking increased and I bit my lip sharply in an attempt to control myself, squeezing my eyes shut in desperation. I pushed out another question in hope of a distraction, "How did it happen with Billy then? What happened?"

Sam groaned, ah it was probably a long story then. I quickly slipped my hands out and laid them behind me, leaning back getting into a comfortable position.

"Charlie and Rene's relationship hadn't really been clear sailing even at the beginning. Then with Charlie being so close to Billy, well Rene got _close_ as well." I raised my eyebrows at this, from what I knew about Bella's mom she hadn't seemed like the type who would do that, "Charlie knows, he figured it out not long after Rene stormed out of Forks, Billy gave up Bella to make up for it. It was his payment; he let Charlie play the father role while he watched his child grow up from the side lines. Then of course Jacob came along and things have been better since, Charlie and Billy are closer now,"

I shook my head in disbelief how on earth can a family get that fucked up? I winced inwardly at that, brilliant this dumb imprint had me accidentally making snide comments about myself now, what a barrel of laughs this whole escapade has turned out to be. Sam's gaze wandered back out to the open sea and mumbled, "But Billy's worrying about how he will take all of _this_ though."

I sighed at the annoying complications, "When did you find this entire thing out?"

"Not long before you just showed up, Billy just came out straight out with it nearly the second he saw Bella."

"Jesus Christ." I swore under my breath.

We sat side by side resuming the faintly comforting silence, Bella's face still spun dizzily round my mind. I watched the wave's crash gentle on the shore as the sun slowly rose over the horizon. Sam slowly got up and headed back to the house, I took one last glance at the peaceful enclosure that surrounded me before following suite.

* * *

><p><strong>Ugh, this story is just becoming a chore now -.- right well i must apologise one for yet another late update, second for the fact that this is the most boring chapter yet and third for the fact i rather tempted just to drop it and move onto something else.<strong>

**here are my reasons and excuses**

**It's late because it took so long to write, there was nothing really gripping at all in any part of the chapter so i had no motivation to write.**

**It's boring because i have to fill everyone in on everything in order to let the folowing chapters make some form of sense.**

**I'm thinking of dropping it because it is far from my best piece of writing and i'm losing interest fast. I might just meander off track for a while, try doing so one-shots. I will come back to it i guess but at the moment it's not really working for me. I will let you all know if i do decide to stop anyway.**

**So there you have it. please review! i need ideas and quickly!**

**REVIEW!**


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